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From the blog

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Hhhhheeeeellllllppppppp!!!! August 15, 2014

KIMONO!!!!…..Blo-dy KIMONO???……

……That is the very last time that I will listen to anyone on the telly, because as of about ten hours ago, we at Douglass Towers have been locked in the Panic Room, previously known as Mission Control, whilst a couple of Giant KOMODO Dragons are pacing outside the door.

Ok, Ok…Control and deep breaths……

It all started on tuesday, when I read an article in the paper about how kimonos were very popular as a relaxation garment….being very confortable to wear.  So, to that end, I searched the net and came up with a place that would send me out a couple, which would arrive on thursday (yesterday)…….’Get your cheap kimonos here” it said.   The alarm bells should have started when they asked about plenty of room and did I have enough meat.  Now thinking that they were maybe looking after my welfare, and  checking to see if said garments would fit correctly,  I really didn’t take a great deal of notice.  Fast forward two days, and a huge knock on the door signalled the arrival.  Looking forward to trying on my new bit of kit, I vaulted down the hall and exitedly pulled open the front door………Only to be met by these two bleed-n monsters.  No, not The Springers…….I mean two monsters…..literally.  Quickly handing me the delivery note, a small leaflet on how to keep KOMODO DRAGONS  in the home and two leashes, the UPS driver, rapidly made his exit and vanished into the northern countryside at I guess was pretty much Mach 1.

So there I was,  door handle in one hand and one  end of two leashes which led out to two dirty great 8 ft lizards, calmly roaming the front garden, apparently oblivious of yours truly staring in disbelief at their leathery frames.  Ok, what to do????…Panic mode had begun to set in, so in my haste to get them sent back, I fastened them to the door handle, and rushed back into the house for the phone.  Once inside, The Boss came over and asked what colour her kimono was…..”Dirty greenish brown”,  I said, “and if you don’t let me get to the blo-dy phone, it will be coming through that door any second now”.  The puzzled expression on her face changed to instant horror, when all of a sudden, there was a loud crash, and there merely ten foot away, was the ring leader.  Scream followed scream, as the whole lot of us, Springers included, headed swiftly up the stairs and into Mission Control, slamming the door shut and blocking it with a couple of Ebossers and a box of rubber stamps.

Here’s a pic that I took through the keyhole, and if you thought that I was going to mess with that…

…..you were much wrongly

And here we remain a day later. I managed to get a call through to the supplier, who has promised to send another van to collect the offending animals……but not before teatime tomorrow, unless he could contact the local pet shop, and asked if we minded giving them some dinner as they haven’t had anything since yesterday…..YESTERDAY!!!!….What a blo-dy shame.  We haven’t had owt since wednesday evening, due to this soddin diet.  If only we had taken a sharp left instead of a sharp right, we would have ended up in the kitchen and not on the top floor of the hoose with two bliddy dinosaurs roaming around after their din dins.  Even The Springers have been quiet today.

Hang on though!…….Do I hear someone outside shouting up at the window?…….Yes, it was our next door neighbour asking if we knew that the front door was open.  He’ll be asking more that that if these bug-ers get a whiff of him and burst through the wall, looking for their friday minced morsels…….or should that be Minced Mortals??……..I’m glad that I can laugh…..But wait!!!….there is a van parked on the drive with two men and two large nets heading for the house……..I’ll be back in a mo……..

Relief all around….Ding Dong……the monsts are gone.  They maneged to get a local RSPCA patrol to pay a visit, and now they are on their way down to their compound for the night.  A quick check around the house, and there doesn’t appear to be any major mess…..Apart from a couple of dozen small ovally ball type things piled up next to me chair in the sitting room.  They look kinda funky and very modern artish, so i’ve decided that i’ll leave them in situ, as a reminder of our adventure and as a art statement.  I mean!……what harm can they do eh??

..And as for a KIM-bloody-ONO……I’m sticking with my ‘Iron Man’ lounge pants and Homer ‘Doh!” t-shirt…..It’s a lot safer.

Have a great incident free weekend, and i’ll be back next week……

Gopher (A mentally instable )